Christian Life

12 Conversations Every Couple Needs To Have Before Marriage


The wedding day is just one day in the life of a couple. But God’s design is for marriage to last a lifetime. So how can someone know that the person they’re with is the one they can truly build a life with–especially when so few marriages around them work?

Pastor Scott Kedersha has worked with more than 5,000 premarital couples to prepare them for the biggest decision of their lives. In Ready or Knot? he offers practical and Christ-centered guidance for couples for all of the days after the wedding day. Through authentic stories from real couples about the decisions they made (or wish they’d made), Scott asks the hard questions so his readers can break free from the watered-down Hollywood version of marriage and build their lives together on the right foundation–the unchanging Word of God. This week on the blog, I am reviewing the book, Ready or Knot, 12 Conversations Every Couple Needs to Have Before Marriage.



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Are you spending more time planning for your wedding or preparing for the marriage? As women we can get pretty caught up in finding the perfect dress or the perfect venue but not giving much thought to the actual marriage which is most important. If you are engaged or thinking about getting married, I would encourage you to read the book Ready or Knot together as a couple. Of the $20,000+ you will likely spend on your wedding, this is the best $20 you could spend on your relationship.

Through his book Scott walks the reader through an evaluation of their relationship. Topics such as what are your views on marriage, is it till death do us part or until problem we find?, choosing a church, dealing with in laws , conflict resolution, having kids, being unequally yoked and financial matters are some of the key conversations discussed in his book. Each of the 12 topics discussed are crucial and the advice given will prove helpful for days after your wedding day.

What I enjoyed about Ready or Knot was that each chapter showcased real couples with real problems. Honest inspiring stories of couples whose relationships were transformed after applying Biblical Truths. Each chapter concludes with thought provoking questions to really get you thinking and kick start the hard conversations you need to have before walking down the aisle.

Am I Ready – Questions intended for individual reflection

Strengthening The Knot – Questions to discuss with your significant other

Closing Prayer – Short prayers you can pray together as a couple as you conclude the discussion

Another key highlight of Ready of Knot is the traffic light symbolism that it uses. As you read through the book, you are able to decipher whether your relationship is a: Green (you are ready to tie the knot), Yellow (you need to slow down and address a few areas before tying the knot), or Red (its time to go your separate ways). This is awesome for persons who are questioning whether or not they are ready to get married.

Scott made a bold statement pretty early on in the book, which I thought was pretty profound. What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy? We step into marriage with the view that its our spouses job to make us happy. But, our spouse is human and will likely disappoint us at some point. Only God can truly make us happy. Marriage paints the picture of God’s love for the church. The more we recognize this and draw closer to God, the more we draw closer to our spouse and find true happiness in Christ and in our marriages.

Scott also provides practical activities you can do together to grow spiritually as a couple as you count down to your wedding day. Activities such as read a Psalm or even a Proverb a day.

To give you an idea of how honest these 12 Conversations will be, one of the topics he discussed was Financial Matters. Financial matters are the most common source of discord among American couples. Before getting married, he urges couples to be open with their financial picture and talk about items such as, ALL the debt they currently have and where their money goes. For example are you spending $30 at Starbucks every day. Should we have separate accounts or one family account? If one person is a spender and the other is a saver, you can see where problems can likely develop in the future. As a couple, you will be merging your lives together so its important to know what debt you are carrying into the marriage as well as how you will both spend the resources that you have.

Some of my key takeaways from the book:

God never promised that marriage will make you happy, only Jesus Christ will satisfy you. Marriage provides a clear picture of Gods love for the church -Ephesians 5:21-33.

In conflict resolution we should seek to understand not to win. We should be mindful of the tone and words we use and not to be afraid of having the hard conversations just to avoid an argument.

When dealing with in-laws don’t choose sides. Outside of your relationship with Christ your spouse is your number one priority.

Adultery Repellent – Speak highly of your spouse in front of them and also behind their backs.

There are several other key nuggets and advice in the book Ready or Knot. Help a friend start their marriage off on the right foot by gifting them a copy from Amazon or purchasing a copy for yourself.


This is the best $20 you could spend on your relationship. If you are serious about taking your relationship to the next level, Ready or Knot is a helpful resource to read as a couple. It includes real life stories and thought provoking questions to kick start healthy discussions you both need to have before saying “I Do.”Purchase Ready or Knot on Amazon.

Have you read Ready or Knot? I would love to hear your thoughts on the book.


Checkout our Book Reviews library for other great christian books for 20 somethings to add to your reading list.


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1 Comment

  • Reply
    April 5, 2019 at 10:33 am

    My favorite line, “what if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?” This for me speaks volumes. Our lives are about bringing others to Christ and making sure we stay in tune with who Christ wants us to me. Point blank. Period.

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